


You can hear it in the silence

by huntressed



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 05:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4008202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huntressed/pseuds/huntressed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, she wishes that she never let him in her life. Because every time he smiles at her, she feels like she’s going to grow a pair of fairy wings and start flying around the room. It may seem silly, but she’s Stephanie Brown. She’s not like most girls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You can hear it in the silence

**Author's Note:**

> This was made at like 2am (like MOST of my fanfictions). And I was listening to Taylor Swift while writing this whole thing up so yeah, if you have listened to 1989, then you will know what I'm talking about. But anyways, here's some Stephanie Brown and Dick Grayson angst for you all.

Sometimes, Stephanie Brown thinks that she shouldn’t, couldn’t, and wouldn’t even lay her hand on Dick Grayson. She’d honestly hate herself if she let anything happen between the two of them. But he _is_ Dick Grayson, and he has his way of warming up to other people without even noticing.

As they jump across Gotham’s rooftops, nothing but the sound of the wind whipping past them and the noisy deafening car horns, she can see him falter for a moment before jumping across another rooftop. It was never like him to falter like that, but she is Batgirl, and he is Batman. She’s not supposed to memorize each and everything he does out of habit.

But she is Batgirl, and it’s not like she could stop it from happening.

So she just follows around behind him and made sure that she never loses sight of him. Because, yes, even if Bruce never let her near the bat-suit, she had sneakily tried to put it on a few times. And damn, it was heavy. The cape is heavy enough to send her down on the floor, headfirst. Dick Grayson can still move ever so flawlessly in the suit. And she thinks, maybe it comes alongside the whole acrobat thing.

“Batgirl! Care to hurry up?” He yelled from three buildings across and she knew all at once that she had screwed up once more. So she breaks into a run and makes it to the next building, and the next, and the next. And just as she was about to land in front of him, she tripped on something she couldn’t quite recognize, and was on top of Batman.

If there’s one thing she’s noticed so far, his eyes are _blue._ The kind of blue that resembles the sea. And he had to clear his throat before Stephanie had the proper mindset to get off him.

The whole night, her cheeks are blushing on that cross between pink and red, and she was thankful that she’s behind him the whole time.

\---

And she does it again, but this time, as Stephanie and not Batgirl. Dick asked her to join him at the coffee shop, though she had midterms to study for, she willingly went with him as if it’s the only good thing in the world.

She finds out that he likes his coffee with soy milk, and two and a half teaspoons of sugar. He didn’t get mad when the barista screwed up his drink. He just smiled and went on with it like it never ever happened.

She also notices that he’s very slow on drinking his coffee, contrasting her usual habit of finishing her drink as soon as it went in front of her. And it amuses her to the most extent that he often forgets that his coffee is obviously hot, and he just goes for the long sip. He burns his tongue, eventually.

She laughs, and he does, too. His laugh has this playful edge to it that makes her laugh even more. His laugh sounds so… light and happy. When he does, it seems like he’s never going to be able to laugh again. So when they stopped, she remembers to smile a little bit before going back to sipping her chai tea latte.

When he drives her back home, Stephanie thanks him and he just waves it off like it’s nothing. He wishes her good luck on her midterms and she beams once more before disappearing into the comforts of her home.

Sometimes, she wishes that she never let him in her life. Because every time he smiles at her, she feels like she’s going to grow a pair of fairy wings and start flying around the room. It may seem silly, but she’s Stephanie Brown. She’s not like most girls.

\---

The next time it happened, it was on a serious mission.

They have been chasing an unknown assassin for hours and damn that was assassin was good. Stephanie was never trained to go head-to-head with assassins who are obviously trained to kill for the rest of their lives. So when Batman disappeared in the darkness (she hates that, she really does), the assassin who calls herself Nocturne, appears from the shadows and soon enough they were fighting.

Nocturne was only armed with daggers, Batgirl had a least bit advantage with all the tools in her utility belt. But here’s the thing, her brain was shut off in fear as Nocturne looked her in the eye with bloodlust. She was shaking, but she tried to fight, nonetheless.

The assassin couldn’t be older than her, _no._ Batgirl may not be as great as Tim or Bruce with all these detective work, but she considers herself smart enough to estimate an assassin’s age by the way they look. And to her, Nocturne couldn’t be more than seventeen.

Even with the petite frame of the assassin (she was relatively smaller than Batgirl), she still managed to get Batgirl down on the ground with a knife pressed against her throat. So she grits her teeth and closes her eyes, Batman may never be able to find her, and it might as well be the death of her.

Her thoughts wander off to Damian Wayne, and she’s glad that he wasn’t like Nocturne. All the potential wasted on something that may never even matter in a few years.

But then her thoughts were interrupted by a soft swish of cape coming from behind the assassin. And she knew all at once that _he’s here._ And that he managed to find her. If there wasn’t a blade pressed to her throat right now, she would be crying and running up to him.

The lethal assassin was lifted off her and was thrown against the wall, _hard._ She could see the girl’s body shaking a little bit and then the assassin ran off into the night, probably never to be seen in the streets of Gotham again, she hopes.

She stood up and was immediately welcomed by a pair of strong arms wrapping themselves around her waist. And she notices how tight he wraps his arms around her, she adds that to the list of things she has noticed about Dick Grayson. There was this warmth to him and she couldn’t help but to just _cry._

“You’re going to be okay, S—Batgirl.” He tells her, and he almost slips out her name. Thank goodness no one was there to witness this whole thing.

“She was going to kill me.” She sobbed, “I thought it was the end, I thought I was never going to see my mother again. I thought was I never going to see you again.” And as soon as she was notified of what she had said, she made it a point to try and damage-fix things. _No._ She doesn’t think about Dick in that way.

_She couldn’t. She shouldn’t. She wouldn’t._

“I thought I was never going to see all of you again.” She added.

And a sharp pain was felt on her shoulder as soon as all the adrenaline rush had faded away. Dick seemed to notice the way she jerks her shoulder in pain, and soon enough, they were in the bat-mobile headed for the Wayne Manor.

It was a quiet ride, and she’s sure that she would experience Damian’s taunting as soon as they arrive. But she’d rather have at that instead of having to face a possible confrontation from Dick Grayson about her slip up.

As soon as they get there, he treats her wounds with such subtlety and carefulness. She noticed the way his eyes are filled with guilt when he treats her wounds, the way he bites his lip in regret as he unintentionally lets his hand fall against Stephanie’s broken shoulder.

She takes his hand away from her face as he carefully treats her lip (cut from the few blows from Nocturne). He was confused as soon as she took his hand away from her face. And soon enough, it was her own, gloveless, pale, and shaking hands on his face.

“It’s not your fault.” She says to him.

\---

It was when he appeared at her window, full on batman garb, looking like he was desperate, she immediately let him in her room and he falls to the floor.

“Are you alright?” She asks him. And the silence is making her deaf as she looks at him, completely aware of the physical pain he might be experiencing at the moment.

“No. I fell off a building today. I honestly don’t know how it happened, but usually I’m not like _this._ But I guess it’s probably because of all these unresolved thoughts in my head. And it’s messing me up. I don’t like it Steph, not at all.” He responds, and there was desperation in his voice.

If anyone was familiar with desperation, then that would be Stephanie. She’s had it for years. Desperate to prove herself to everyone around her that she _is_ worthy of wearing the Batgirl mask, the Spoiler cape, and the Robin costume. He came to the right person.

She looks straight into his blue eyes, and she knew all at once that she’s doomed for life. “You don’t have to face those thoughts right now. You’re hurt from the fall, and trust me, you’ll be the biggest idiot on Earth if you choose to deal with those right now rather than sleeping. Now go take the bed and I’ll sleep on the floor.” She offers.

“I’m not an ass, okay. Don’t even start with the whole ‘you get the bed, I get the floor’ thing. That’s supposed to be the thing I’m saying. So please just take the bed and I’ll go on the floor.” He answers, sounding tired, and then it’s all so unfamiliar to her.

The Dick Grayson who has that schoolboy laugh, the warmth, the light and happiness visible in his eyes; well… he’s not here right now. The person she’s sitting next to is nothing like the Dick Grayson she has ever interacted before. Though he may never say it, his eyes are filled with worry. She knew that as much.

She sighs and places her hand on his, “It’s alright. You need my uncomfortable single bed right now more than I do.” Followed by a sincere smile on her face.

“Steph no. We can share. I don’t hog the bed and the blanket all to myself and I’m pretty sure we can fit, _somehow._ ”

It took her a few minutes before she finally agreed. They lay in the confines of her room on the same single bed. Thankfully, he was wearing something underneath the suit. Or else Stephanie would be forced to look through her father’s things and eventually lend them to him.

But that couldn’t possibly matter at the moment as he closes his eyes and he drifts off to sleep almost instantaneously. She turns around, facing him. And she looks at him as if she’s looking at the moon, and sun, and stars, and the entire galaxy in front of her. He looks so peaceful. The quiet surroundings completely matching his breaths.

Then there’s the rising and falling action of his body as he breathes. And no silence has ever been more deafening than this. Her thoughts are completely clouding up in her head and she couldn’t possibly be thinking about Dick Grayson right now. It was obvious that he and Barbara are still in love with each other and that everything Stephanie is doing with him is purely platonic. Merely an act of friendship.

 _But he wouldn’t be laying down beside you right now if there was nothing._ She thought to herself, but she is easy to contradict that. No. There are no feelings and it’s not like friends sharing a bed platonically means anything that is somehow related to having a completely reciprocated relationship. _No._ It doesn’t work like that. One night of vulnerability wouldn’t change anything between them.

The moonlight completely does his features justice as she looks at them with pure wonder in her eyes. She could live in this moment forever and never go back to reality, if that was entirely possible. But it doesn’t work like that either. Because in the morning, she is sure that he would be gone before she wakes. And she’d rather have it at that.

There was a small space between them, a space she’s longing to close, but she can’t. The problem with unreciprocated feelings is the fact that every effort made goes to waste. Especially when the guy sleeping peacefully beside her right now is in love with one of her best friends in the world.

She touches his face, trailing her finger from his forehead to his cheek. And then she briefly closes her eyes before shaking her head. But she already knew, already knew what that feeling is at the pit of her stomach. The one she can’t seem to get rid of, no matter how hard she tried her best to do so.

_She is in love._


End file.
